THE EX-PAT PLAYBOOK: Vol. 2

How to Keep Your Head When Everything Else is Lost in Translation

Lesson #6: Grocery Shopping Is a Game of Clue

Is it yogurt? Is it sour cream? Is it mayonnaise that tastes oddly like both?

The labels mean nothing. The colors lie. You accidentally buy sparkling water that tastes like sadness three times before giving up and just drinking tap water like a fucking savage.

But slowly...you learn. You figure out which grocery stores don’t try to scam foreigners. You find that one lady who slips you the good burek from the back. You just completely stop looking for peanut butter. You stop trying to convert prices. You just start living like a local...even if you still can’t figure out what "Souvlaki" is.

Lesson #7: Off Days Are Dangerous

Everyone romanticizes free time overseas. “Oh, you must explore so much!”

Yes, the time before, between, and after conditioning, lifting and the main practice does exist, but so do sore muscles. Lactic acid makes stairs difficult and everywhere in Europe has stairs...lots and lots of stairs.

Off days are when your brain starts talking too loud. They creep up on you. You’re jet-lagged, heartbroken, and somehow watching YouTube videos about how to escape quicksand.

The trick is to build a rhythm. Don’t sleep the whole day away. Don’t get drunk before noon (again). Do something. Even if it’s stupid. Especially if it’s stupid.

Lesson #8: The Bathroom Situation Will Humble You

Some bathrooms don’t have seats. Some don’t have doors. Some have buttons instead of handles. And some shoot things into places.

You will use your shirt as a paper towel at some point. You will pay to pee. You will lock yourself in and panic.

You will also survive.

Eventually, you’ll master the system. You’ll carry wipes around like a soccer mom. You’ll only shower in your apartment and NEVER in the team locker room. You’ll know. These are your stripes now. Wear them with pride.

Lesson #9: You’re Gonna Miss Stuff and That’s Okay

Weddings. Birthdays. Baby showers. Entire NFL seasons.

You’ll miss your sister’s graduation and your best friend’s engagement and your little brother’s senior night. It sucks.

You’ll feel left out. Like your life is happening over here while theirs is happening over there, and no one really gets the difference.

But it’s part of the trade-off. You said yes to the road. You chose this path. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. But it does mean it’s yours.

Call your people. Send a selfie of a historic site. Show them where you are. That’s still a connection. That still counts.

Lesson #10: This Will End Sooner Than You Think

You feel stuck now. But you’re not. One day, you’ll blink and this chapter will be over.

You’ll miss the crappy apartment. The walk to practice. The café owner who never quite remembered your name but always remembered your order.

You’ll miss it all.

So slow down. Breathe. Laugh when the power goes out mid-shower. Write it all down. Take lots of pictures, post it on social media.

Because right now, you’re in it. And IT is worth remembering.