THE EX-PAT PLAYBOOK: Vol. 1

Or: How Not to Lose Your Mind When You’re Living Overseas Without a Map or a Mom

Lesson #1: Community Is Everything (Even If It’s Weird at First)

You think you're gonna be a lone wolf overseas. You’ve got your headphones, your hoop dreams, and your American ego.

Yeah...that lasts like three weeks.

Then you’re eating dinner alone, again, while an old man chain-smokes next to you and your coach is sending texts in all caps with three fire emojis and the crying-laughing face. You need people.

The key? Say YES to the weird invites.

Barbecue in a park with strangers who don’t speak English? Go.

Post-game drinks with the 50-year-old team manager who still wears jorts? Absolutely.

Language exchange meetup that’s really just an excuse to flirt with someone named Sophia or Marco? Lock it in.

That’s how it starts. Not by trying to find "your people." Just by showing up enough times that suddenly...they become your people.

Lesson #2: You Will Become Obsessed with Coffee...and It Will Save You

There’s something spiritual about that first cup of espresso in a country that does coffee right. It’s tiny. It’s strong. It punches you in the face and whispers, “You’re still alive.”

Find your spot. Not Starbucks. Not whatever that fake-American diner is near the train station. I’m talking about the little café tucked between a kebab place and a shoe repair shop. Where the same old guy is posted up reading the paper every morning like a statue. Where the barista starts nodding at you after a week, then gives you a “ciao bello” after two.

This is where routines start to form. You’ll journal here. Scroll Instagram and pretend you’re working. Maybe fall in love, maybe just finally learn how to say “oat milk” without butchering it.

Lesson #3: Learn the Damn Language (Or At Least the Funny Parts)

You don’t need to be fluent. You need to be functional.

Learn:

"Where is the bathroom?"
"Can I have chicken, not pork?"
"That’s too expensive, bro."
And obviously: curse words.

Nothing bonds a locker room like you screwing up a local phrase so badly that your teammates fall over laughing. It’s humbling. And hilarious. And yeah, you’ll feel like a toddler, but toddlers get away with murder, and so will you.

Lesson #4: Dating Abroad Is Like Playing Dodgeball with a Blindfold On

Look, it sounds like a fantasy. You’re exotic. You’re tall (some of us more than others). You’re from a land of Netflix and Chipotle.

But dating overseas is its own brand of chaos. You’re on Tinder, swiping through people who list their horoscopes first and actual jobs second. Someone invites you to a party, then ghosts you for three weeks. Or worse, they text every single day like you're married after one drink at a wine bar.

The only real rule here? Be honest. Be curious. And for the love of god, do not send voice notes in English unless they specifically ask for it.

Lesson #5: You’re Gonna Get Homesick (But It Won’t Kill You)

It hits hard. Usually on some random Tuesday. You’ll open Instagram, see a pic of your friends tailgating back home, and suddenly spiral.

Why am I here? What am I doing? How the hell did I end up in a country where they eat fish for breakfast and no one smiles on public transport?

Here’s the truth: homesickness doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re doing something brave. You’re outside the bubble. You’re figuring shit out on your own. And that sucks...until it doesn’t.

Then one day, you’re walking home from practice, headphones in, sipping that espresso from your regular spot, texting your jorts-wearing teammate about the next barbecue...and it hits you:

You’re not surviving anymore. You’re living.

Until next time... Keep showing up. Keep saying yes. Keep getting lost. That’s how the best chapters start.

Cheers,