𝙒𝙚 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙂𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜

I had a conversation the other day that felt normal while it was happening. Then I got in the car and my brain kept replaying it like George Costanza after the ocean called.

We were talking about youth sports, and all the bullshit that comes with it. The way adults talk and kids respond. Why coaches play a zone defense and the way a game that should be simple can feel weirdly heavy when everyone around it acts like it is life or death.

I said what I always say…which is how I will always trade development for wins every time. I would rather a kid learn how to move right, think right, and handle pressure than win a random weekend tournament and forget it by Tuesday.

And I stand by that.

And the person I was talking to looked at me like I was doing that whole adorable athlete thing, where I break it down from this infallible point of view.

They nodded and hit me with, “Of course you think that, you went pro. But what about the ninety nine percent of kids who will never play at a higher level? What if winning now is all they ever get?”

That line replayed in my head as I drove home. Because they were not wrong for asking it…and I was not wrong for believing what I believe.

It also reminded me that my perspective always comes with an asterisk. I get a lot of, Of course you think that… and I honestly understand why people say that to me.

If you played pro, people assume you are stuck in the elite athlete bubble where development is a luxury. They assume you are basically telling normal families to calm down because none of this matters. They assume you are preaching from a place where things worked out for you.

But that is not what I mean.

I am not saying wins don’t matter…I am saying adults have turned winning into some sort of proof of worth where a win confirms a kid is special, and a loss exposes them as a fraud. And that fucking wrecks kids.

 A win can be a moment a kid carries for a long time and it’s fun. But when adults attach identity to it, now you are not playing anymore, you are performing. Now the kid thinks one mistake means they do not belong.

Development is not a pro athlete concept. Development is the only part of the whole thing that still matters when your playing career is over, which for most kids will be way sooner than anybody wants to admit.

So if we really care about the kids who will never play past high school, giving them a healthier relationship with effort, competition, and confidence matters more than collecting weekend trophies.

𝙊𝙠…𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝘼𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙆𝙞𝙙𝙨 𝙒𝙝𝙤 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙞𝙣?

That question deserves respect.

If a kid is never going to play after high school, that one tournament win might be their biggest sports memory. That last second shot might be the story they tell when they are older. That feeling might be the whole reason they fell in love with the game in the first place.

So yes…winning can matter a lot.

The problem is how adults go about winning. Too many confuse creating joy with creating pressure. They say it is for the kids, but the environment feels like it is for the adults. Kids get benched for one mistake, or yanked the second they look nervous. Kids learn that playing time is not earned by growth…it is earned by not messing up the coach's ego.

If you care about the ninety nine percent, the win cannot come at the cost of the kid’s relationship with the sport. Those kids need to learn how to compete without fear. They need to learn how to lose without shame. They need to learn that they belong in the room even while they are still figuring it out.

That is development too…even if they never play again. And honestly, that’s why this whole thing drives me nuts…because the minute adults start acting like every kid is headed for the league, the game changes, the pressure changes and the way we treat kids changes. This is where I start losing patience.

And before I keep going, I have to say this out loud…because I’m not saying any of this like I’m above it. I’m guilty too…with one person. My daughter.

Coaching your own kid is the most stressful thing in the world. When I coach a group of kids I don’t raise, it’s actually fun. You’re building, you’re teaching, you’re watching them figure stuff out and you can stay patient because the goal is growth. With your own kid, everything feels intense, even when you swear you’re going to keep it stress-free.

Because your child feels like a direct representation of you, whether you want that to be true or not. And if you played, that pressure gets multiplied by a billion. People know you played. People expect your kid to be the best player. People expect your kid to be “advanced.” People expect your kid to look like you out there.

But that’s not fair.

I was a late bloomer, and my daughter is a late bloomer too, but we’re living in a world where everyone wants rankings before high school or else. Now it’s not just them trying to learn the game, it’s them trying not to disappoint you. That’s a completely different type of fear, and kids can feel it even when you think you’re hiding it.

So when I talk about adults turning winning into pressure, I’m not pointing fingers from the outside. I’ve felt how easy it is for your own kid to carry your expectations, your reputation, and everybody else’s assumptions all at once. And that’s exactly how a game that should be simple starts feeling oddly heavy.

And that same pressure shows up everywhere now, even when the kid isn’t yours.

We talk about kids like every one of them is headed to some next level. People chase scholarship dreams for kids who are still learning how to handle their emotions. People talk about exposure like it is a normal part of childhood. And the more insane that fantasy gets, the more youth sports start acting like a private club.

Now you have elite teams for little kids that cost a fucking fortune and tryouts where grownups cut seven year olds. Families paying thousands just to be near the word elite, even when nobody can clearly explain what that actually means.

Youth sports used to be the entry point. It used to be where you learned. It used to be where you tried things, failed, improved, and kept going.

Now it is turning into something else.

Once the money starts flowing, adults start behaving like gatekeepers…because money is not an add on anymore…it’s the fucking point.

You see it in travel programs and trainers for infants, like the Little Hercules documentary doesn’t exist.

And that is why that conversation affected me. I realized I had been framing the whole thing wrong. I thought I was gatekeeping the development of players, when all the other adults are gatekeeping the entire space so they can keep collecting money off it.

They are not guarding the game, they are guarding the money.

And once you see that, you start noticing it at every level, not just in some youth gym on a random weekend. The University of Utah’s board approved the creation of a new for profit entity, Utah Brands & Entertainment, in partnership with private equity firm Otro Capital, with reports describing it as a landmark structure shift for college athletics revenue operations.

When moves like that happen, fans usually feel it first in their wallets, with concerns and expectations around rising costs tied to tickets and the overall game day experience.

I think more schools are going to chase models like this, or versions of it, because the incentives are obvious. If that happens, the “business” mindset spreads even faster. And when the top of the pyramid gets more expensive, the trickle down effect tends to hit everyone under it.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but If you want to view something in this world, you will have to pay for it.

We already live in this world of subscriptions, paywalls, premium seating, or exclusive access. More adults are entering youth sports because the money is there, and the moment adults start fighting for money, somebody starts controlling who gets in and what it costs.

So when someone asks me what I would say to the ninety nine percent who might only get a handful of wins…here it is. Let those wins be theirs and not weighed down by adult pressure, or controlled by politics. Not sold back to families as some elite experience. Keep the door open and keep it affordable. Let kids compete, screw up, learn, and still belong.

Because if we keep going like this, the gatekeeping does not just block development…It blocks kids from ever getting a chance to fall in love with the game.